Whew bet ya'll been wondering where I've been! Well I went on vacation down to a health spa in Arizona (check out my sexy bikini pic!), and let me tell you that shit weren't no kinda relaxing!

The minute I found out what my soon-to-be ex-husband had arranged for me I began to panic! See, when Daryl Lee said "spa" I thought hay I can get my toenails painted by someone who can see them! Maybe they can grind down my corns! I was so excited about the facials and massages! But the minute I got out of the shuttle van I knew somethin was wrong wrong wrong!

First of all, they weighed me right off the bat. WEIGHED ME! I really didn't need 27 people to know I enjoy lasagna and ice cream cake to the tune of 453 lbs of woman, but ok, too late now. Then, they confiscated ALL FOOD. ALL of it! No orange cream soda, no easy mac. I started to realize Daryl Lee had sent me to some kind of crazy clockwork orange fat camp and I started demanding they return my pop tarts immediately!

Well shit didn't happen, and I drank and shat three different colours of liquid. I did lose 4 lbs, so I suppose it was worth it, but I'm pretty sure the party pack of king size snickers I ate when I got home hosed that accomplishment! Boy howdy I hadn't never had candy so good. And the best part? I came back with a killer tan!